My Vispassana experience goal

Vipassana – an Indian Brain surgery

All I knew about Vipassana was this: It was a 10 day meditation course in an isolated retreat. You were expected to avoid any contact with others (including eye contact) and remain within a small area of the course site. You were not allowed to speak, read, hear music, or write, and had to spend all day from 4:30 am till 9:00 pm in total silence, sitting with your eyes closed, focusing on one object of attention. A complete withdrawal from the outside world, physically and mentally. Wonderful.

In return, Vipassana promises to free you from all dissatisfactions, anger, and vicious cravings, by experiencing the unseen truth beyond our sensory perception (Vipassana means “insight” in one of India’s ancient languages). Originally taught by the Buddha himself, 25 centuries ago, the technique simply relies on observing the impermanent nature of our world while meditating. According to Vipassana theory, our mind is conditioned on an unconscious level, causing us to react to external events with no ability to control it.

Anyway, I’m quite a happy person in my daily life and actually like the external world, but I decided to give Vipassana a try. Part of me was intrigued by the actual experience, even more than the results it promised.

Vipassana centres are all around the world, but it felt right to choose one in India, the country of origin of this meditation technique, so just before I left Australia I registered myself to a course in the small mountain town of Dharamkot.

After a short registration and handing in all my electronic devices, I got a first look at the centre. It was not as depressing as I thought – small cottages surrounded by tall pine trees give it a peaceful and tranquil feel. I’m given an “apartment” number which is actually a tiny room in a big tent with 20 beds .There is hardly any light and a foul smell emitted from the plastic walls and ground. I sat on my new bed to discover it’s hard like concrete. I’ve slept on worse though I reasoned, trying to encourage myself.

Silence would be imposed in few hours so I socialized as much as I could with my fellow “prisoners”, and went for last cake in the coffee shop outside the centre. There are only 2 meals a day during the course, a small breakfast and a basic lunch. Ouch! I love my dinners. This would be another challenge for my active stomach and strong appetite…

The course officially began the next day at 4:00 am. A loud gong breaks the silence and we head to a dark hall. A tape recorder voice tells us to focus on our breathing and nothing else. For the whole day that is the only thing we do….

I realize how hard this simple task is. I can’t focus on my breathing for more than 2 minutes without switching to some past image. One thought leads to another in an unrelated manner. It’s like having a cable TV inside my head with someone else holding the remote control.

On the 2nd day, we are told to do the same and keep focusing on our breathing in the nostrils area. My mind protests loudly inside: B-O-R-I-N-G. I try to go beyond my mind. It’s a constant fight, but in some stages I manage to keep my focus on one single area for almost half an hour. I’m impressed but exhausted. This meditation thing is NOT a mental relaxation technique and it’s extremely intense. There are no free associations (which is usually my favourite part in meditations). Everyone around me looks very weak (and depressed I must say). Apparently spending time in our skull while sitting with closed eyes can be a hard workout.

Third day begins with a new task, observing sensations in our bodies as deep as we can without reacting to it. At this stage I’m excited for any task which is not related to breathing.

The theory says that every unconscious thought creates physical sensation in our body, and by observing it without reaction, we librate ourselves from conditioning and attachments. I gave it a try.

At first I’m able to perceive sensations in some parts of my body, but in my second meditation I feel it all over my body. Vibrations are arising and falling with great rapidity. Every part in my body is constantly on the move.

The impermanent nature of my own form is something that I was well aware of before the start of the journey, but experiencing it myself provided a deeper level of learning.

I also realized that I hadn’t moved for one hour and was focused the whole time on the present moment. I was in total control over my mind. The remote control was in my hand.

On the next meditation I experienced something I have never experienced before. While focusing on bodily sensations, I suddenly felt how my body was starting to disappear. I couldn’t sense where I ended and the dark space around me began. “I” and my ego had just been evaporated, and the essence of Buddha’s teachings had been revealed in its full colours.

I felt totally exhausted by mid day. My body was weak, and during the break I felt very sick. A new food poisoning becomes worse. I crash on my bed shivering. By the end of the day I had a high fever and I spent a night of nightmares and cold sweat.

Day 4 begins and I’m unable to move out of my bed. I felt very hungry as well, not able to eat the course’s food. I realized I’m not going to survive this without proper food and vitamins. I also realized that the only thing holding me here is the pride in saying that I finished 10 days. My ego in its true light. I decide to call it off and get better in the outside world.

Vipassana QA

I got quite a lot of questions before and after my Vipassana experience, so I decided to summarize it in a Q&A manner. : )

Q: What did I learn?

A: Two things mainly. 1. That our body is mostly space and 2. That it moves and changes in great rapidity.

Q: Why is it important to learn this?

A: The above basically means that 1. “I” is an invention of our mind and we are all just a stream of consciousness that’s connected to everyone else. 2. Everything changes – body, emotions, and sensations. Nothing is impermanent.

Q: OK and why is this important?

A: 1. It makes you think how much falsehood is created on the surface level – ego, identity, etc. Taking control over our mind from time to time can be nice. 2. We should also remind ourselves that everything is impermanent, our body, our things, our emotions. It reduces attachments and materialism right away. 3. Last but not least, we are all connected, and this means quite a lot….

Q: Am I going to do the Vipassana course again?

A: No, experiencing it once was enough for me. Vipassana is definitely rewarding and overall I’m happy I went through its challenging process; However, it’s too extreme. I usually don’t mind extreme stuff, but I have to enjoy the process in order to go through it again.

Q: So, you’re willing to miss enlightenment?

A: Yes, I’m probably going to miss it. : ) Of all the realizations I’ve learned through Vipassana, perhaps the most beneficial one for me is that I’m actually OK with highs and lows, some humanly impulsive reactions, and perhaps apologies as a result of them. I’m not going to dedicate my life to total eradication of reactiveness. I accept this.

Q: Would I recommend trying it?

A: My Vipassana was MY experience and every person’s is unique. It’s worth trying.

Q: Am I going to adopt Vipassana’s meditation techniques in my daily life?

A: Maybe, but probably not. Perhaps true nature of reality is hidden from our own eyes, and the only way to see it is through Vipassana meditation, but I prefer to live my life outside of my mind, not inside. Vipassana’s method requires you to keep meditating 2 hours on a daily basis after completing the course. Not something that I desire to adopt. In fact, none of the Vipassana graduates I know (who were all positive about the course) meditate on a daily basis.

Q: So what kind of meditation am I going to adopt in my daily life, if any?

A: Short unplanned sessions of meditations during the day seem to work very well for my lifestyle. Meditation is merely a tool to live our life in a more fruitful and productive way. The end goal in my opinion is not meditation but perhaps it is to keep a meditative state during the day, to be more present and more peaceful while we eat, speak, rest, etc.

Q: So you’re back to square one?

Yes, it feels like getting back to square one before I started this spiritual journey, but with one addition: more self acceptance.

Q: Anything else?

Yes. Not everyone has been designed to live like a saintly monk…

Be happy. : )))

Tal

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